Latent Rapists

​Latent Rapist…for colored girls who have ever considered suicide (a must read excerpt)

Latent Rapists by Ntozake Shange

a friend is hard to press charges against

if you know him you must have wanted it

a misunderstanding

you know these things happen

are you sure you didnt suggest

had you been drinkin

a rapist is always to be a stranger to be legitimate someone you never saw a man with obvious problems

pin-ups attached to the insides of his lapels

ticket stubs from porno flicks in his pocket

a little dick

or a strong mother

or just a brutal virgin

but if you’ve been seen in public with him, danced one dance, kissed him good-bye lightly

with a closed mouth

pressing charges will be as hard as keepin your legs closed while five fools try to run a train on you

these men, friends of ours who smile nice stay employed and take us out to dinner

lock the door behind you

with fist in your face to fuck

who make elaborate mediterranean dinners & let the art ensemble carry all ethical burdens while they invite a couple of friends over to have you are suffering from latent rapist bravado & we are left with the scars

being betrayed by men who know us

& expect like the stranger we always thought was coming

that we will submit

we must have known

women relinquish all personal rights the presence of a man who apparently could be considered a rapist

Especially if he has been considered a friend

he is no less worthy of being beat within an inch of his life. being publicly ridiculed having two fists shoved up his ass

man the stranger he always thought it would be

who never showed up

As it turns out the nature of rape has changed

we can now meet them in circles we frequent for companionship

we see them at the coffeehouse

with someone else we know

we can even have them over for dinner & get raped in our own houses by invitation, a friend

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I Hate Love…

I hate love poems

But I want to write you one.

I hate love poems 

But you are the muse behind mine.

I hate love knots

But with these gifts I hope you forget me not.

I hate love notes

But here’s one. 

I hate love letters

But this one is about you.

I hate love bites

But please cover my body with yours.

I hate love handles

But I hope mine help you find  your balance

I hate love songs

But they make sense when I’m with you.

I hate love stories 

but you are my favourite.

I hate love at first sight stories

But you prove me wrong.

I hate love

But I love you.

See my confusion.

It Can’t Happen to Me

Guess what? It can. And it probably will. Sorry to burst your bubble.

Recently, four days ago type of recent, I’ve had something I never thought would happen to me happen to me. I 100% thought “yeah, it happens. But to them. Not people like me”. Get this you and I, we are the them.

I have been (am) young and wild and reckless. Most (young) people are. We make decisions either fully aware of the consequences if it turns out bad or not aware of the consequences at all. We call ourselves risk takers, we call ourselves young wild and free, we call it living life in the moment because tomorrow isn’t guaranteed right? Well right. But everything has a limit. Freedom is only free so much until it imprisons you. Wildness is only so wild until it tames you. Living life in the moment is only fun until tomorrow comes. Recklessness is only so thrilling until you crash. And 99.99999999999% of the time crash you will. 

I’ve crashed. I am burning. I’ve finally fully comprehended just how selfish, self-centred and reckless my actions were. I’ve hurt and disappointed people I love. People who mean so much I just want to make them proud and keep the smile on their face. I’ve learned that your life is not your own, you have people counting on you, rooting for you praying for you, cheering you on. And your failure is their failure. Your recklessness is their hurt and disappointment.

I am kinda glad I’ve crashed. This is the wake up call I so desperately needed. I don’t know how I will mend the relationships I’ve broken or earn back that trust but I am determined to be careful in my decisions and hope God helps me work this out.