Definitions

​Depression tastes like wine left out in the open.

Frustration is like drowning in your blood, sweat and tears, on land.

Grief is all the almosts, could haves and should haves you cradle.

Anger is more like a storm; always leaves you wondering if its all necessary.

Happiness is said to be a baby’s laugh but I think it’s sitting in the afternoon sun and not asking why.

Loss is inevitable, almost anticipated, but still shocking.

Loneliness is comfortable. It makes you go to parties and find a solitary corner in the backyard. Its a darkness your eyes know.
Lust and rust are the same, it corrodes the soul.
Love is why we hurt. And hate with a passion that can burn the world and freeze the oceans.

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The Year that was

2016 has been like standing at the top of a slope and thinking ‘The slope isn’t that steep’ then finding out after you take a step forward that you were actually at the edge of a cliff. That you are falling into a dark bottomless pit. 

Basically its been shitty. Apart from life I only have one thing I’m grateful for this year and that’s my graduation.everything else has been shitty. From broken dreams tolosing loved ones. To dreading sunrises because that means another day of unanswered prayers has gone by. To depression. Broken heart, spirit and soul. I just didn’t want to live anymore.

How do I plan to live 2017? With zero expectations.Getting a tattoo because I’ve finally found the perfect one. Saving up because this year has taught me that. And letting go of the things I can’t change. 
Hope y’all enjoy your New Years Eve. And continue reading my rants. 
Tina

Life Update

Dear Reader,

I apologise for the silence.

I have been uninspired. I am still uninspired. I feel like my life is a carousel, a 24 hour carousel. Its moving but it’s really just going around in cycles.

I hope to find something worth sharing with you in me. 

Moods

He met Rose on the first day 

Pretty with frills and pink lipstick to go

Her laughter brought out his

He plucked a flower and tucked it under her ear

It just felt right.
Catherine surprised him

Intrigued him, caught him offguard.

She had the ease of the river

the depth of an ocean

And the wit of a goddess 
Pessimistic Ann was his least favourite

She always had her brows crooked

Almost in the same way she viewed the world

He wasn’t sure she really liked him.
The day he met her 

Her name captivated him

She was gasoline to her own fire

He felt like ice; melting in her presence

But also like a candle; finding the lighter he so desperately needed.

Life and Chess

I’ve been playing a lot of chess lately and though I’m not so good at it I’ve learned a lot of lessons from it. Yes dear reader, this is a motivational post.

So the average game of chess has 32 pieces with 16 pawn pieces. And generally, pawns are just that, pawns. They are used to trap a more valuable piece (Queen, bishop, rook or Knight). They are considered indispensable.

Pawns do get promoted to Queen. Bishop, rook or knight if one plays their cards right and makes right moves. My point is in life we all get assigned different roles, we all get defined differently, we all get different ‘starting points’. But that shouldn’t bother us, that shouldn’t matter, because just like a pawn piece we may get promoted to something bigger and better if we try, if we work hard and if we don’t give up. 

So basically don’t give up. Life is a game of chess, think of your moves before you make them.

For further clarification, this is my dictionary’s definition of pawn:

(colloquial) Someone who is being manipulated or used to some end, usually not the end that individual would prefer

Bookshelf inside my head

My head is full of stories 

Stories I pretend I made up
Because that’s the only way I can live in this lifetime.

Like that night when I was 8 

When you came to my room and told me it would hurt

But I shouldn’t tell because that’s what family does

I died with every push that night.
Or the Day my Mom died

I prayed day and night for her to be healed

I was only six and I believed our prayers got answered

My faith in God changed that day.
Remember Aunt Mary

She was sick for the longest

The day you went to the stores

She told me to bring her a glass of water.

I saw her take her meds. Or so I thought

When you came she was no more.
Did I tell you about my 14th year 

And how I cried myself to sleep every night

And my arms knew the razor blade too well

Looking back I don’t know why I was so sad.

Maybe it was the divorce and having to pick sides.

Maybe it was the whispers that Daddy wasn’t my father

Maybe I was just overwhelmed.