I apologise truly for the silence. Once again I find my thoughts reaching a dead end in the maze that’s my mind. So here is an incomplete poem which I don’t know how to end.
I am leaves in autumn every time I see your face,
I’m still turning my demons into angels in lace
Or dust in a chalice.
I don’t know where I went wrong my love
Sometime between sixteen and twenty five
I lost my way, lost my drive.
But if He told me I would call him hater
Now I don’t know what to do.
I was taking a walk around midnight and I wished I was walking next to you. The stinging wind blowing in my face wouldn’t be less freezing but you would be talking and I would be laughing. Or we could just admire the silence and how beautiful you and I look under streetlights. This night would have gone down as one of my most memorable nights. If only you were here.
Funny how much I crave you more than I admit. Looking for you in dark corners, knowing fully well you will not be there. This is ridiculous and the possibility of coming undone again is high but I only hope I don’t. Ridiculous.
I am scared that all we had is all we will ever have. And I want more. I am not sure I will ever get more. But yet here I am.
Tell me you like me. I like myself more when you like me. I know this is ridiculous but what do I do. Tell me. Anything. Everything. Tell me why you look at me with humour in your eyes. Do I make you happy? Are you laughing at me? Tell me.
I am here waiting for you to tell me. Maybe I will wait forever. Maybe I wont. I am not sure anymore. But I am waiting….