I hope you know
You can not love someone out of their depression.
Love has fought demons
But never chased them away.
You are magical
An answered prayer
But you are not a messiah.
We all need saving
We all need saving
We can only save ourselves when we face our demons.
There’s a thing
Deep in my belly thats tied and knotted up
The last time I didn’t pay attention to it I spent 6 months in my bed with my curtains drawn and my lips parched
Salty from my own tears.
I am my mothers sacrifices and my grand mothers prayers.
I am sorry but I have generations rooting for me.
Showering blessings on me.
Hours spent on darkened knees praying for me.
I can’t give up.
Don’t let your bones be a mixture of anger and marrow.
Don’t let your mouth sing its song everyday.
Don’t let it consume you
Dont let it fuel your dreams.
Don’t treat your heart like a public space.
Dont let everyone sit and marvel at its walls.
It holds your joy.
And your joy is precious gold.
Don’t get used to sadness.
Don’t think of it as your favourite chair feeling out of place if you are not in it.
Pain is not comfortable
It’s only numbing.
I feel the need to introduce myself.
This is my self esteem; twice removed.
Meet my emotional availabity; try making a phone call in the desert you have better luck of reaching through.
These are my walls; made of stone, made of disappointments, made of tomorrow’s that never came.
My clothes may fall faster.
And these are my dreams, this is my fire.
Sometimes it burns but everytime its my light.
What would you tell 20 year old you?
What would you say to 40 year old you?
If you are still reading this after the silence, thank you and I am sorry. I wasn’t busy I just couldn’t put my thoughts down, atleast without sounding like a lunatic. Anyway this post is a documentation of my recent feelings. (because I am such a sharer)
I fell in love with him before he even said hello to me.
Funny aint it, that you can think you are in love with someone
When the only conversation you’ve had is about tequila over tequila.
And I tried to get him to tell me,
tell me what made him do what he does
or atleast why he was here in the first place.
I tried to get him to tell me why I was already in love with him.
I asked him what happens if he leaves,
He kissed me and made me forget what time or day it was.
It was a rollercoaster ride
It was an episode of lost
It was a juicy peach with a worms on the middle
What I am saying is it was a beautiful mess.
it was straight out of Picassos brain
I loved the moments of blankness
I loved the clarity.
But he left
I knew it would happen
I was left yearning, wanting, almost begging
I now know what happens when.he leaves,