Its never the victims fault.

The other day, in my sociology of health and illness class, we were talking about risk taking behaviour among adolescents and young adults; college students in particular. And the discussion went to parties and binge drinking in college and this turned to rape. My lecturer said “why would you (a girl) go to a party/bash and drink when you know you are not strong enough to protect yourself from danger? Zoziyamba dala.” I was shocked. Shocked that this educated man was part of the victim-shaming crowd.
By saying, the girl started it, you are insinuating that the victim wanted to be raped deep down. That when the victim was saying no she actually meant yes. This thinking is why most victims of rape don’t come out and report to authorities that would help cage these malicious monsters.
Sexual Activity is supposed to be consensual. It does not matter if the person is drunk, sober, naked, dressed, powerless, male, female, black, white, your partner or really anything, if the person doesn’t want then no sexual activity should happen.
I have had conversations with men who believe that men can not be raped, because erections to them are because of mind stimulation. What about the men who are drugged and taken advantage of? Is that not rape? I think mainstream society does not allow us to believe that males too can be raped and this is part of the reason why most male victims do not report and if they ever speak about it its more of a brag than call for help.
Stop victim shaming. Stop all these stereotypes sorrounding rape and victims. It is never the victims fault.

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What is Happiness?

Do you consider happiness to be a destination, a fleeting moment or a constant state?
The other day, I was telling my friend that I am happier lately. So yes, I consider happiness a constant state. Maybe it has different levels, lol. Like level one of happy, up to a certain level. Whether leveled or not I believe happiness is a state of general contentment, and not the absence of sadness.
I don’t believe that happiness is a final destination anymore. Many people suggest that happiness is a  destination, a place you get to after going through or doing something. “Get a degree, a good job, great money, great relations or family then you will be happy”.  This I have found to be misleading. What happens when you do all this but you still can’t ‘find’ happiness? I have been a victim of this as I said, looking for happy (I even made pursuit of happiness my theme song). Then I got something I wanted and realised it didn’t make me happy(happier) and this made me sad. So no, to me happiness is not a pursuit, its not a final place or destination. I stopped defining happiness as anything, because once I get the thing I defined as happiness my definition of happy changed.
Maybe happiness is a fleeting moment. It comes and goes. Maybe you get lengthy episodes of happy then they leave you. After all life is a rollercoaster ride,  right? Happy isn’t so fragile to me. That’s why I don’t think it is a moment.
I find happiness in a lot of simple things. Sometimes in nothing at all. I am just happy in myself. I am in a constant state of happiness. And its beautiful. Maybe I am just too much of an optimist.

First Post

Hie reader. Welcome to my blog.
I have created many blogs before this and never really posted anything in them because I didn’t know what direction they would take. But with this I’ve decided I will write about the things I experience, observe and hear or whatever. Basically its my perspective on whatever’s thing is there to give my opinion on.

I hope you read this lest this blog becomes one of those musings and rants to a non existent audience. (That will not stop me though)

Enjoy finding out how I tick.

Tina.